From Confidence Gremlins to 10% Braver

Nickii Messer of All the Geese is a school business management and leadership specialist, providing training, development and mentoring expertise. She’s also chair of governors of two schools. This blog post is an edited extract from our longer conversation, Tackling the Confidence Gremlins: Overcoming Imposter Syndrome in School Leadership.

What is imposter syndrome?

For me, imposter syndrome is where I doubt myself, where I feel like a fraud for even trying to be or do a certain thing and where I feel I'm going to be exposed for being that fraud. I worry that I'll prove myself to be incompetent and just not good enough. 

I've seen it so often in other people, where maybe they're afraid to ask for help, because they feel that if they ask for help, that will show them up to be incompetent. Or it stops them taking on new, exciting challenges, maybe a new job, a promotion.

Becoming chair of governors

Recently I was asked to become a chair of governors. I’ve been asked before if I'll be a chair of governors, but I've always said no, because I'm not good enough. I see other chairs of governors and I think, I can't be as good as you. I haven't got your character. 

I was happy being a governor with my own responsibility areas. So I flatly refused the chair role. Then one day I looked out the window for a moment, and when I looked back, I'd been voted in not just as chair of governors of one school, but of two schools.

Now in fairness, I am a co-chair, so I have got a lovely colleague that I work with, but do you know what? I absolutely love it. And I can't believe that I allowed this nagging old gremlin to stop me from doing this before. 

I do continually doubt myself, but I hope that keeps me humble. I hope it allows me, in essence, to be a better chair, to be more cautious, to be more aware of how I come across and how I support others. And rather than worrying so much about being a failure, I am determined to be the very best version that I can be and measure up.

Slow down, look and listen, but don’t stop

The way I prefer to look at imposter syndrome is like the brakes on my car. If I'm driving along and I come to a corner, I'll slow down, because I don't know if there are hazards around that bend. So I want to be in control, but I don't do a hand brake turn, refuse to go around the corner and go the other way. So that's how I treat my gremlins whenever I can. 

I think the trick is to listen to them and understand that it is your conscious voice, but there's other sides to you. There's your subconscious voice, and that's the bit that you really have to take the time to dig out, so that you have a fuller picture.

You have to quiet that conscious voice sometimes, those gremlins, and say, right, okay, well, you've had your turn. I've listened to you. Now let me really dig down into myself and see how I really feel about this. See what the truth is.

Reflection, perfectionism and perspective

I'm not entirely sure we can stop it nagging, but we can definitely do things to stop it embedding itself in our heads. For anybody in any professional capacity, regular reflective practice is your main tool. Reminding yourself that you are good enough, celebrating your achievements, reminding yourself of your talents and your skills, where you've been successful and what you've learned along the way.

And when things do go wrong, how do we redirect ourselves and learn from that? My particular problem is I agonise over being second best and as a perfectionist – and I think there's a lot of people that I work with who are perfectionists – it really hurts to think that you haven't achieved the ultimate perfection. But you just have to get over that; you have to say good enough is good enough.

We have to put it in perspective. It's ok to stop. It's ok to check in on ourselves before we do something new or different. But then remember to move forward. You don't want to become bored or stagnant, so don't let that voice stop you.

As I said earlier, it's like the brakes on the car. You can let them help you slow down to check for hazards, but don't let it stop you. 

Comfort, stretch or panic? 

A model that I really like is the Karl Rohnke ‘comfort, stretch, panic’ model where he talks about how we like to sit in the comfort zone, because by definition, it's where we feel comfortable, it's where we feel safe.

When you look at the model, the comfort zone is in the middle, and that's where we sit. But then outside of that, you've got the panic zone, and I think that's the imposter syndrome zone, where you've got the gremlins and the sharks that tell you that you just can't get through that zone. So stay where you are.

But then beyond that, you've got the stretch zone, and it really is just a case of stepping through that panic zone. Nothing's going to happen to you there. And know that when you do get to the other side, you're going to be where the magic happens. So step past the gremlins into the stretch zone.

Creating a safe culture as leaders

As a leader, it's essential that we create and nurture a culture where people feel safe, where they feel heard, where they can ask for help and advice. Because that's one thing the syndrome can stop us from doing: asking for help. Those gremlins tell us that if you ask a question, if you ask for help, if you say you don't know how to do something, you are going to look like you are incompetent.

So we need to create a culture as a leader or manager where people feel safe to ask. Role model it. Go and ask people, show them, say I don't know. I haven't got all the wisdom. Can you help me? Can you tell me what you know? Make it feel safe to show your weaknesses as well as your strengths. 

As a line manager, it's about talking to people. It's about listening to understand, to have those ongoing conversations, to have professional development that's based on mutual trust and understanding. And passion and humour I hope! 

We should be able to laugh at ourselves. We should laugh at the fact that we listen to those gremlins at times, but role-model to others that you don't let the voices get to you. And put in place support mechanisms to help people recognise when those voices are holding them back.

Be 10% braver

Something that we talk about a lot in the school business manager and leader community is  being 10% braver. Sometimes it's that, rather than ignoring those voices altogether, that is easier or better for us. You can say, I’m just going to overcome those barriers by 10%. I’m going to nudge it, and start climbing it. 

Even 1% cumulative improvements in the way that we work, in the way that we have courage, in the way that we bravely face something, those 1% increments build and build and build.

So don't necessarily be listening to those voices or gremlins and think ‘I have to overcome them all’. Just make a bit of an effort. Just say, I'm going to be 10% braver in how I tackle what they say to me. Even 1% improvement is an improvement, and I can see a positive gain from that. 

It’s so important to talk to each other, to support one another, to recognise that we all have self doubt, because that's what imposter syndrome really is. Get yourself a mentor, talk to people at work, open up those conversations and whatever else you do, don't let those voices build up or take over.

And please don't let them stop you from doing something that you really want to do. Be at least 10% braver.

What next?

Listen to the full conversation with Nickii (29 mins):

• Sign up to the newsletter for more podcast insights, tips and resources. 
• More from Nickii:
  • Call them honest: conversations to empower, understand and resolve
  • Honest conversations: a checklist
• Ready to grow? Explore professional development opportunities for SBMs. 
• Explore Nickii’s recommended reads:
  • Brian Tracy, Eat That Frog. Nickii says: “He talks about procrastination, which is a real symptom of imposter syndrome, where we put something off because we don't think we're good enough or it's just too big a thing for us to tackle.”
  • Phil Roberts, The Imposter Syndrome: How to Stop Feeling like a Fraud at Work, Build Your Confidence and Stop the Inner Critic. Nickii says: “It breaks down how imposter syndrome affects different people, like the perfectionist, Superwoman or Superman, the expert, the natural genius and the soloist.”
• Find more guest recommendations in the Creating Value in Schools bookshop.

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